Well.... this is my first entry here so might as well let things flow...

Today, I just did my usual stuff....going to mass and all that.

but unexpectedly, this afternoon..I cried and all my emotions just came out of my chest.

It all started when my sister came home from the mall carrying her new purchase which is a pair of chucks or as what many know as converse shoes. I think i envied her and just started to feel depressed. Some of the reasons are she got an ipod, she's got new shoes, she can buy basically anything she wants because she has lots of money and she is still a freshman in high school.

While me...I don't have any new gadgets, Ican't buy anything cause I don't have that much money (I even have debts...), and I'm have to think about the application forms that I have to do for so many universities...

I think the pressure of school and getting into good universities AND my other co - curricular stuff took a toll on me. I was also thinking that my parents maybe gives so many rewards to my sister cause she's intelligent and...you know those kind of girls who are really goody goody.

And maybe because of that i felt that i really have to work hard to get what I want and it dawned on me that it is impossible since I know that I'm a lazy person and easily gets to the low esteem level. That's when I started crying...I felt pitiful and very wretchful that I even thought of myself as somthing useless and doesn't deserve to live cause  I'm a very selfish person...

My dad was like what's wrong? and my sister was like don't cry..i'm sorry. I can' t explain to them that the reason why i'm crying is not because of them but because I have internal issues. So after crying, I started playing cheery tunes oon my sister's ipod to cheer me up and eventually it worked..so I'm back to normal now...

Anyway , it's a new day tom. Which means there's more work to be done...and I'm lazy...as usual...what the heck...that's how life runs! So I should get this over with....night!